Guest Blogging: Canehdia and all that kinda thing

I was out shopping at Old Navy yesterday. My otherwise perfectly cute checkout guy (…whose nametag said “Nate Dog”. I wanted to ask if his last name really was “Dog”, but got distracted by the fact that he…) was wearing a red T-shirt with a map of Canada. It said:

I wanted to smack him. I wonder what that says about me.
And I don’t think the residua has left me yet. This morning I pulled my “Fiers d’être Canadiens!” shirt out of the closet and put it on.

(I need more T-shirts. I went looking for T-shirts. At UrbanOutfitters the guys get shirts like “Trust me, I’m a doctor”. At the Hollister, the girls get shirts like “Life is better blonde” or “I’d rather be working (on my tan)”. I nearly made off with the “Life is better blonde” shirt, but I decided that the sarcasm would be lost on too many. Why can’t I have a “Trust me I’m a doctor” shirt that fits!)

Over breakfast, I read a Vancouverite’s observation that -

“…being canadian and all, i happened to notice that the directions are different on american hamburger helper meals than they are here in canada. in canada, we’re to remove the cooked mass from the stove, cover, and let set for 5 minutes, or until it reaches desired consistency. in america, it apparently is desired consistency as soon as it comes off the stove. or is it that they think the instructions are too complicated or something, given its white trash appeal and all? i mean, geographically dependent instructions for hamburger?”

That led me to remember the CBC’s straight-faced TV segment called “Talking to Americans”. Needless to say, it is exactly what it sounds like.

“Preposterous questions are put to unsuspecting Yanks – who ramble cluelessly about whether Canada should become part of North America (university student: ”I don’t know”), or whether Canada should keep its navy despite being landlocked.

One Floridian helpfully offered: ”You don’t need a navy if you don’t have any water. Just use us Americans. We’ll support you.”

”Americans are our great neighbor. They are kind, they are generous,” said Mercer, a 30-year-old actor-comedian from Newfoundland. ”And they have an uncanny ability to go on and on about things they know nothing about.”

Don’t shoot the messenger.

When I talk to Americans or Canadians I describe the Canada-US relationship as that of being similar to Malaysia-Singapore. We each think we live in the better country.