I Want To Believe

I don’t think there’re any actual spoilers in this entry but reading it might bias you one way or another if you’re planning to watch The X-Files movie. So this is fair warning if you want to go on reading.

Some

Spoiler

Space

The Short Review: I feel like I got buggered and not in the enjoyable way.

The Long(er) Review: Frank Spotnitz and Chris Carter needs to die for writing trash. My emotional response is being really pissed off – and I didn’t even go in with expectations. This was me outside the theater: “MmmNNNgggHHHUGGHHhhhHHARrrghh!!”

Yeah, David and Gillian were on screen but I’m not sure that was an X-Files movie. The two leads were clearly struggling to figure out these characters that were no longer familiar and the secondary actors… well, the least said the better. The plot made little sense and lacked coherence. It was slow progressing and was missing a real climax. Am I saying that I could have written a better story for the big screen? You BET YOUR ASS!

The major problem was Scully and Mulder no longer being FBI agents. You CAN’T do an X-Files movie when they aren’t actively investigating a case. It comes off as hokey and nobody buys it. The big draw of a good XF story is Mulder doggedly pursuing a case and Scully skeptically debunks phenomena scientifically. What is up with all this emo crap? This loss of faith, “don’t give up!!” bullshit for two hours piggy backing on a recycled psychic connection plot — oh, and for the gross-out factor they throw in some Frankenstein horrors (oohh, like I’m real terrified).

This movie sucked so bad that it wouldn’t make any money out on a street corner as a two bit ho.

Don’t watch it. Go see The Dark Knight.