NYC: Hi, it’s me.
Me: Hi me. What’s up?
NYC: You never think about me anymore.
Me: Wha-? How can you say that? Just last week I blogged about Coney Island.
NYC: So you only like me for the tourist parts?
Me: Well, I…
NYC: I’m more than just a tourist destination, you know!
Me: I was… I’m… what’s this about anyway? Are you having self esteem issues?
NYC: ‘course not!
Me: I dunno. You just seem… I mean, a city with the most amount of obnoxious people per square mile, it’s just not very like you to be insecure.
NYC: I feel like you think about LA more than you think about me, and I don’t mean the amount you blog.
Me: Now you’re just being irrational.
NYC: Says the one who’s having an imaginary chat with a city in her head.
Me: Touché.
NYC: So…
Me: Look, LA and I… we have history together. Three and a half years. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t immediately enraptured by your beauty the first time I stepped foot in the city. The happiest place on earth for me isn’t Disneyland, it’s Central Park. I love the way Canal Street smells. I adore your cultural diversity. You know I’m completely smitten by the sexy curves of your subway lines–
NYC: *Teehee*
Me: –especially the Brooklyn lines that dip into Manhattan before going back across. I think the world of you. It’s just that… it’s really difficult for me to think about being with you cause I really miss all of that and I want more than just a few nights. I want a long term thing, and I don’t think we’re both ready for that kind of commitment. Plus, the laws of the land makes it tough, not to mention there aren’t a whole lotta calls for school librarians in any of the five boroughs.
NYC: Welllll…. I suppose so. But you have to promise to visit soon.
Me: As soon as humanly possible.
NYC: One last thing…
Me: Yea?
NYC: Be straight with me – does Staten Island make my butt look big?
Is NYC a woman?
I know I totally failed. I was going for gay man but this came out looking like a tranny.
NYC your ass looks big because it is. But take heart LA is wrinkling with the sun, quake cracks and what not.
Tranny? I was thinking a lesbian.
You kept talking about curves. Plus you said “commitment” and I am SO not seeing you with a tranny or gay man.
I know, I know — I’m totally overthinking this. Sorry.
Dee – please to be not pitting the two against each other. they fuck with my mind often enough as it is.
PpFt – yes. you. are. But my thought process started out ‘gay man’. In the middle I went for the curves thing to get NYC to titter. I kinda gave up holding on to a single voice after that and just winged it. The butt comment definitely sounds like, in my head at least, a gay man speaking. But if NYC is a woman, so be it.