Episode: The X-Files: Fight The Future (movie)

Mulder: Maybe we should call in a bomb threat to Houston. I think it’s free beer night at the Astrodome.

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Mulder: I think they went left.
Scully: I don’t know why, I think they went right.
Mulder: Five years together, Scully. How many times have I been wrong? Never! … Not driving, anyway.

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Scully: I need this building evacuated and cleared out in ten minutes! I need you to get on the phone and tell the fire department to block off the city center in a one mile radius around the building.
Clueless Security Guard: Wh–?
Scully: Don’t THINK! Just pick up the phone and make it happen!!

Episode: E.B.E.

Scully: Those lights the driver saw may have been swamp gas.
Mulder: Swamp gas???
Scully: It’s a natural phenomenon in which phosphene and methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, creating globes of blue flame.
Mulder: Happens to me when I eat Dodger Dogs.

Episode: DETOUR

Scully: You ever thought seriously about dying?
Mulder: Yeah, once, when I was at the Ice Capades.

Episode: TOOMS

Mulder: If there’s an ice tea in that bag, could be love.
Scully: Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer.

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Episode: IRRESISTIBLE

Mulder: Well, some people collect salt and pepper shakers. Fetishists collect dead things – fingernails and hair. No one quite knows why. Though I’ve never really understood salt and pepper shakers myself.

Episode: HUMBUG

Dr. Blockhead: Did you know that through the protective Chinese art of Ti Bu Shan you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?
Mulder: Oh, I’m doing that as we speak.

Episode: DIE HAND DIE VERLETZT

Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Mulder: Guess their parachutes didn’t open.

Episode: HOME

Mulder: There some secret farmer trick to get these things moving?
Scully: I don’t know… Baa-ram-ewe! BAA-RAAM-EEEWE!!!!
Mulder: Yeah, that’ll work.

Episode: CONDUIT

Mulder: This is the essence of science – ask an impertinent question, and you’re on your way to a pertinent answer.

Episode: EVE

Mulder: One girl was just abducted.
Scully: Kidnapped.
Mulder: Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe.

Episode: SQUEEZE

Scully: Oh my God, Mulder. It smells like… I think it’s bile.
Mulder: Is there any way I can quickly get it off my finger without betraying my cool exterior?

Episode: QUAGMIRE

Scully: Nature’s calling. I think we should pull over soon.
Mulder: Did you really have to bring that thing?
Scully: You wake me up on a Saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five minutes, my mother’s out of town, all of the dog sitters are booked and you know how I feel about kennels. So, unless you want to lose your security deposit on the car, I suggest you pull over.

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Scully: You know, on the old mariners maps the cartographers would designate uncharted territories by writing ‘here be monsters.’
Mulder: I got a map of New York City just like that.

Episode: THE ERLENMEYER FLASK

Scully: Okay, Mulder, but I’m warning you – if this is monkey pee, you’re on your own.

Episode: WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES

Scully: The very idea of intelligent alien life is not only astronomically impossible, but at it’s most basic level downright anti-Darwinian.
Mulder: Scully … what are you wearing?

Episode: PIPER MARU

Scully: … they know they could drop you in the middle of the desert and tell you the truth is out there and you’d ask them for a shovel.
Mulder: That’s what you think of me?
Scully: Well, maybe not a shovel; maybe a back hoe…

Episode: EXCELSIUS DEI

Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn’t mine.
Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all the other tapes that aren’t yours.