The Whateverlah Blog

Malaysians advised against being immersed in Facebook, Twitter. Our Information, Communications and Culture Minister Rais Yatim was quoted saying:

“They are just selling Facebook, Twitter, L-Band and various other services, even through space, as a product but we do not do such business. We accept all this in a state of cultural shock,” he said.

Um. I have no fucking clue what the means. His cryptic, swaying train of thought is as WTF-inducing as a certain former Alaskan Governor. This fler is more than a katak bawah tempurung, it’s a deaf and blind katak under a tempurung buried under six feet of manure.

I think everything that can be said about this nitwit has already been said. The paper reported the backlash, and on Twitter was where the fun was. So search the hash tag #yorais for hours of enjoyment.

One final comment: I don’t know if he says this because he’s stupid or he thinks the rakyat is stupid. They stood flabbergasted after having their seat majority slashed and bloggers were voted in to public office in the last general election. The continual dismissal of the capabilities of new media to disseminate information will be their downfall. But let’s not give them any ideas…

*I used this phrase offhandedly on Facebook one time. It rolled off the tongue so well that I’m gonna keep it. “Preternatural goblokness” ® ©

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Late Friday night / early Saturday I was driving a lonely stretch of the highway from Subang when the radio came on with a PSA for the upcoming Merdeka celebrations. The voice was explaining the significance of our flag, the Jalur Gemilang. Much to my absolute horror he kept saying shit like “Did you know the fourteen red and white stripes in our flag resemble…” and “The star and crescent resemble…”

Dear Copy Writer at Radio Station That I Cannot Remember Its Name:

resemble – v. have a similar appearance to or features in common with.

So… I do not think the stripes on our flag have a similar appearance to any of our 14 states nor does Islam looks particularly crescent-shaped today.. but a croissant does.

I think you were looking to use this word:

represent – v. 1 be entitled or appointed to act and speak for. 2 be an elected member of a legislature for. 3 constitute; amount to. 4 be a specimen or example of; typify. 5 (be represented) be present to a particular degree. 6 portray in a particular way. 7 depict in a work of art. 8 signify, symbolize, or embody.

I wish I could find an audio file of this PSA to traumatise you all with, but no joy so far. I’ll try to remember what station it was on next time. If only my phone can record sound…

In the meantime, let’s all pretend our English is very the good one.

ADDENDUM:

My brother and I had a very short conversation earlier this evening about his 3G internet access, and the Malay term for “broadband” was brought up. He rightly pointed out that “jalur lebar” is a terrible translation. Did someone in Dewan Bahasa not bother looking up the different meanings for “band”? Do they need to be shown how to use a dictionary ah?

How to have advancement in science and maths when the language it will be taught in is not properly equipped to convey the most accurate meanings for technical and scientific terms?

Me: I don’t think Yasmin Ahmad would like it much that they’re calling her “the director”…

Because, please if you don’t mind, she is so much more than a director. I aspire to her levels of living a life brimmed with joie de vivre and an unswerving faith in god, this world, and being Malaysian.

Yasmin Ahmad was buried early this afternoon. The Malaysian Insider has a report from the funeral.

The Star has been posting tributes to the story teller sent in from around the world.

The New Straits Time carries the obituary.

In the final entry of her blog, published just four days ago, Yasmin posted a piece by Puccini from his Turandot which she was hoping to use in her latest project, “Wasurenagusa”. It’s rather ironic then, to learn that Puccini died before he could complete Turandot. I don’t have a point, I’m just moping..

Ending this with an interview she gave on July 21st, 2009:

There are no words to describe the loss this country has suffered in the passing of Yasmin Ahmad, a film maker, the story teller, a hopeless romantic, a one true Malaysian.

We miss you already.

…

File this one under things that looks interesting but will never attempt at home:

… because it’s much too much effort.

The laksa croquette is a menu item from 7atenine, a fancy pants place at the Ascott in KL. The menu actually doesn’t look half bad.

My foodie friends, when will you all return so I can go feast there with people I enjoy nomming with?

**for PpFt because I neglected Tweet In BM Day on Twitter.

Semalam semasa makan tengahari terlihat saya seorang lelaki yang amat tampan sekali duduk di meja sebelah. Apalagi, mencuri-curi tengok sajalah. Apa nak buat? Mak ada.

Ketika tengah-tengah berlakon ‘cool’ saya bangun untuk membasuh tangan tapi belum selangkah saja sudah hampir jatuh.. terpeleot. “Oh mak engkau!” aku berteriak di dalam hati. (But more accurately it was more like “FUCK!”)

Jejakaku senyum. No doubt, at my dweebness. Mampussss….

…

There. Had a good laugh yet?

Yasmin Ahmad talking to the media(?) during the filming of The Funeral.

In this other one, Yasmin talks to some bloggers a year ago. There’s some great anecdotes from the Tan Hong Ming ad. She also touched on several things that I really relate to when talking about filmmaking. One is the idea of control, or the lack of it as the director; and secondly – art as collaboration. I really could listen to her talk all day about film making, love, and on being Malaysian.

Blablabla.. the teaching of English (not Math and Science in English) is being kicked around in the spotlight again.

Our Education Minister was shocked (shocked! I tell you!) that you don’t need to pass English to get an SPM cert. So what does he do? He says he wants to “gather gather feedback if this situation was good for the country”.

Does he– What is– Can– ARGH…. WHAT THE FUCK?

Does nobody even question this continual lowering of standards and how it means that the SPM certificate is worth about as much as the toilet paper I wipe my ass with these days?

And I’m not saying that we should overnight make English a compulsory pass subject – it should actually be a credit subject but that’s like asking for the sky.

I’m sayin’ that this continual lowering of expectations means the quality of English being taught in schools suffers because if you don’t need to pass it, who gives a damn? 

Ok, so we set aside the whole English thing. Here’s something else I just learned about the SPM exams that made me want to kill little puppies:

“A pass in English has never been compulsory for SPM. Since 2000, a pass in Bahasa Malaysia was sufficient to get the SPM certificate. Previously, a credit was a must.”

So, not only you can fail English spectacularly — because let’s admit it, the SPM English paper is a joke — but now (ok, since 2000) you can also nearly fail our national language and still get your SPM cert. Again, I say, WHAT THE FUCK YO?!

Literacy fail = unity fail = you and me fail.

This is the drinks series..

In this series: ABC from Ipoh Stadium, 100 Plus, sirap bandung, tembikai susu and tea. Plain ol’ tea.

(more…)

My brother and I were in Putrajaya a few weeks back. (Had a trip to the Foreign Ministry) Nyways, as we were driving down the main boulevard we noticed these huge banners hung on a few major govt buildings. This, the Palace of Justice– and now let’s take a moment to cringe over that name and move on…

The imperative tone of the banner amused us both. We wondered if it was meant for those flers daydreaming and staring out from the building across the street, and the ones taking their tea breaks at 8:20am, 11am, and 3pm.

It’s not just a Putrajaya thing either. I’ve seen the banners in photos of government offices in other cities in the newspapers.

Pretty sure it’s not effective. Bet you’ll still get the same amounts of “Tak tahu…” when you have to deal with the gomen.

Reader’s Block

me: my brain is doing that thing where it’s all over the place and i cannot sit and concentrate
cannot write, cannot read a book

PpFt: why you think i have so much trouble studying

me: it’s been retuned to only accept 140 characters at a time

PpFt: HAHAHA

Unrepentant

PpFt: bohsia was the single most hated malay word of my high school career
Pendidikan Moral came first, but that’s two words

me: being that it’s not even a real malay word

PpFt: yeah!

me: if i had to do it all over again i would still defiantly try to fail PM

PpFt: like writing “U GILA KE” on each page

Grik couple have 21 children:

Oh, pray tell, Perak MCA, just exactly what were the prerequisites for this mother of all awards?

I’m going to let someone else say something because I have.. nothing…

Is there any way that the papers misquoted him and I might’ve mistaken our Education Minister for a sexist dweeb? Here are two back to back quotes in a news item in The Star about the Minister wanting to make sports a priority in Malaysian schools:

“For one, not all schools have fields now and there are also not enough sports teachers.

“I don’t mean to offend anyone but 80% of our teachers are women. Not that they are not important, but we need some men as well and we will have to figure out how to draw them into the profession.”

Can you blame me after reading the two quotes making the inference that he thinks only men can be sports teachers? What is a sports teacher anyway?

Ever heard of the Sanderson Hotel, London? Me neither.

It looks like the sort of thing that might be called “comtemporary luxury with a touch of whimsy” in magazines.

But all this eclectic modern sophistication is not the main point. The main point, the real kicker, is that – are you ready for it – this hotel has a “Modern Malaysian” restaurant, named “Suka” (Malay for “like”).

The menu lists such items as

PAPAYA & PORK BELLY SALAD
Slow braised and crisped pork belly tossed in chili vinaigrette with papaya, roasted jalapeno and spring onions
£11.00

LOBSTER WONTON MEE
Egg noodles cooked with poached lobster, lobster consommé and lobster wontons
£22.00

PUMPKIN TART TATIN
Spiced butternut squash tart with gula melaka syrup and crystalised ginger ice cream
£7.00

If you say, “So expenseef! Go all the way to London to eat fried rice?” then you are not the intended audience, theirs or mine. And if you (God forbid) say that we are apeing the West and still after all these years enslaving our culture to theirs, then I have nothing more to say to you.

But I’ve now added another entry to the List of Places To Go Before I Die.

How did I come across this, you ask?

I was wandering around here. (The rest of the site may not be work-safe.)

Police personnel standing guard outside the state secretariat building. - 7 May, 2009

From The Star’s Battleground Ipoh photo gallery.

I’d be lying if I said I was surprised and appalled. Nevertheless, it’s painful to watch.

An exciting day in Ipoh. One for the history books. But not any kind of history books you’ll ever find in schools. There was a semi media blackout the whole day – you didn’t see anything on tv and radio. As the day was winding down there was a brief news item on the radio and on tv. The latter carried no visuals. If you wanted something you’d have to get online.

Videos? – head to Malaysiakini’s youtube channel. 

Breaking news? – The Malaysian Insider twittered updates all day.  According to the twitter updates, 64 were arrested today outside the state secretariat building and later in the afternoon 14 were released (including 8 lawmakers). It remains to be seen what they’re going to do to the other 50.

Oh, and the kicker? We’re waiting on the high court to decide who the Chief Minister will be on Monday. *cough*BushGore*cough*